The Feminine Identity

Sometimes I think about my life, have I been swayed by winds of voices around me, have I been silenced just to receive validation from people. I have seen and experienced a lot and definitely there are still a lot to experience. Years passing by asking questions, asking questions about who really I am; asking questions about my identity. Where are the dreams I have woven carefully as a little girl, dreams which really took me time to weave.Where is that glittering hope I foresaw then, where is that life I hope to achieve as a little girl. I see them all shattering. I always prayed then for my dreams to find wings to fly.

Dreams! Dreams!! Dreams!!! Dreams of making a mark in the world of politics, a mover and shaker of things in that line. As a little girl, I was really passionate about this. My inquisitive mind would think whenever I was being taught names of the presidents of the world then, ‘’Why do we have few ladies’’ There and then, I began to read, equip myself about this glorious world that awaits me. I thought to myself I could be an influential woman who would turn things around for good. Later on, I saw the dreams I was weaving so hard gradually tearing apartdue to some forces that happened to me unconsciously. Forces like the society cliché and ideology, culture and traditional practices about dictates on my gender. My dreams waned down over the years and I decided to live just like a typical African lady who will simply be educated to be married, have and rear children. But then I was confused, between the choices of pleasing my society or rather breaking stereotypes. I was really passionate about politics to the extent that I was always seen among guys whenever political issues were discussed but then I always felt strange about their actions towards me. Through their words, they ran me down, their words really pierced through my heart making me to feel as if I was indeed weird, always giving me that look of you are a woman so just keep calm. Something keeps telling me ‘’Oh girl, this is your mandate’’. Even if everybody was not passionate about this, you could do it. I fought through this all through my teenage years. I reluctantly gave up because I was made to believe women are just second class citizens and I accepted fate. In my giving up, it wasn’t easy because I was quite rebellious but at the same time the voices around me were quite beyond me to withhold. I thought to myself perhaps if there would ever be any change in this aspect, not in my own generation but then I would think back and forth again, the formal education for ladies I enjoyed today, some women fought for it, some gender based violent practices, some women took it upon themselves to fight against it despite all hurdles and limitations, why wouldn’t I do something.There andthen, I just felt perhaps I wasn’t made for this, maybe someone else could but yet again I felt it was my calling. I found myself in the ocean of bewilderment. Friends, people around didn’t help me at all, the ladies I had as friend didn’t even see why a woman would even want to dream big. I was totally confused, locking up all my thoughts within me. Asking myself ‘’am I the oddball among my peers’’. I continued with my ‘normal life’, nothing spectacular.

This hazy thought followed me through my undergraduate days. My inquisitive nature and the fact that my thinking ability was strong didn’t really help matters. But now no going back on my dreams. I am ready to stand strong.

The Feminine Identity

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